Does Anyone Else Smell Video Head Cleaner?

Richard: Ladies and gentlemen, Lurid Digs is proud to present a technological breakthrough: the internet’s first scratch-and-sniff jpg! It’s so advanced, you don’t even have to scratch your screen. Just sniff! Sniff, and inhale in the musty scent of that dingy sofa (which the owner probably calls a couch)! Why open the sliding doors and let in a little fresh air when you can breathe and rebreathe such an intoxicating fragrance? Sniff, and take in the mingled odors of stale beer and dog food! Doesn’t that take you back to your heady, trailer park days? Sniff, and enjoy the aroma of…

 

Under the Top: A Monk’s Bunk

Richard: Going bare isn’t for everyone. It’s hard work and requires loads of planning. If you think over-the-top is daunting, just try going under-the-top. Seriously, any idiot with a Walmart gift card can buy a bunch of crap for the casa. Scuffed table? Put a doily on it! Hole in the wall? That inspirational cat poster will cover it just fine. Maximalism can be artful, but the way most people do it, it’s more properly called “thrift store tornado aftermath”. Or “hoarding”. Minimalism, though? That takes balls. Designers can dream about a minimalist room, but if that room hasn’t been…

The Considerate Ways of an Ugly Blanket

David: There’s nothing like self-awareness married to consideration to ease the potential pain you might cause a loved one who harbors a cleanliness fetish. And because this guy is aware that he’s a slave to his various ADD compulsions, he is keeping things real for his mom by: • Bringing his own snacks, lots of snacks (like his favorite cabernet to compliment his Captain Crunch), carefully assembled on a place mat for end table protection. • Having a dime on the ready should he need to go down to the corner to make a phone call to report a fire. (Do phone booths even exist…

Beelzebub’s Bedroom Booty Call

Richard: Ignore, if you can, the linens, which are anything but linen. Suffice it to say that the owner of this poorly feng shui-ed Airbnb cubbyhole doesn’t give two bumps of Boudreaux’s Butt Paste if his guests break out in rashes after sleeping on 110% acrylic dropcloths. No, there are bigger issues looming here, like cracks in the bottomless abyss of Cost Plus World Market home decor. The first is those wall hangings, which…I mean, given the stats on most Scruff profiles, I know that there’s a shortage of rulers out there, but don’t people own straight-edges anymore? A scrap of…

Beelzebub’s Bedroom Booty Call

Richard: Ignore, if you can, the linens, which are anything but linen. Suffice it to say that the owner of this poorly feng shui-ed Airbnb cubbyhole doesn’t give two bumps of Boudreaux’s Butt Paste if his guests break out in rashes after sleeping on 110% acrylic dropcloths. No, there are bigger issues looming here, like cracks in the bottomless abyss of Cost Plus World Market home decor. The first is those wall hangings, which…I mean, given the stats on most Scruff profiles, I know that there’s a shortage of rulers out there, but don’t people own straight-edges anymore? A scrap of…

And So This Is Christmas

Eric: Not our usual Holiday XXXtravaganza, as you may have noticed.The world has taken a turn these last few months. Chaos, corruption, hysteria, confusion, fear, lack of manscaping. It’s even trickled down to our own little corner, the naked selfie (‘nelfie’? ‘peniselfie’? surely someone can coin a phrase). We here at Lurid Digs are determined to soldier on in spite of the havoc wrought by the recent electile dysfunction. We will continue to search out the cock within the schlock, the ass in the morass, the fuck in the WTF. What a perfect example we have here, the tiny and the pink…

And So This Is Christmas

Eric: Not our usual Holiday XXXtravaganza, as you may have noticed.The world has taken a turn these last few months. Chaos, corruption, hysteria, confusion, fear, lack of manscaping. It’s even trickled down to our own little corner, the naked selfie (‘nelfie’? ‘peniselfie’? surely someone can coin a phrase). We here at Lurid Digs are determined to soldier on in spite of the havoc wrought by the recent electile dysfunction. We will continue to search out the cock within the schlock, the ass in the morass, the fuck in the WTF. What a perfect example we have here, the tiny and the pink…

Holidaze Digs: Basements of the Bay Area

Richard: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to our holiday home tour of Bay-Area basements, sponsored by Airbnb. Airbnb: depleting rental housing stock and destroying communities since 2008. Next, we’re checking out this tastefully decorated mancave that should give you football fans plenty of decorating ideas. And just look at all that holiday cheer: the dazzling lights! The Santa! Santa’s Coca-Cola big rig! This one-bedroom, half-bath has a very special feature: an incredible shrinking drop-ceiling! It’s like someone took a split-level ranch and turned it upside down. It’s a metaphor,…

Short-Fingered Vulgarian Digs

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Richard: These are not our usual interiors. For starters, they’re meticulously clean. (The homeowner probably isn’t responsible for that.) They’re also a bit grand, in the same way that we’d be “a bit” excited to slobber on Christopher Meloni’s pendulous nutsack or gargle with Chris Noth’s DNA. And of course, they’re aggressively bland. Sure, there’s a lot of baroque bullshit — the gilt chairs, the inset ceilings, the tops of those completely decorative, not-at-all architecturally significant Corinthian columns. But the monochromatic monsoon of gold and rose-gold and beige makes…

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